November 15th, 2010 
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Back in 1989, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg may have been making a point about what a bad-ass their archaeologist superhero when they cast the original James Bond as their hero’s father and then showed that he felt no awe for this paragon: instead, he filched his personal style from some whip-wielding, ethically dubious mug in hobo-wear. In the forthcoming new Indy movie, Indy has acquired a son of his own, and it seems a safe bet that the movie will not end without li’l Indy looking up at his dad’s craggy face and recognizing how lucky he is to have such an icon to admire and learn from. Thus does Indy come full circle as an instructional figure, an odd fate for a guy who used to sneak out of his campus office through the window so that he wouldn’t have to face his students and risk earning his paycheck. If you’re looking for a really impressive mentor, educator, guru, you could always do worse than get yourself into a movie.
Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas), WALL STREET (1987)
Mentors don’t always do well in Oliver Stone movies. The hero of the autobiographical Platoon had two of them, but one of them got killed and the hero wound up having to shoot the other. The fast-talking uber-capitalist Gekko is luckier; he has a smart wardrobe to construct around his power suspenders, an Academy Award, and a famous speech that will get replayed on the nightly news every time there’s a market downturn or somebody who’s worth more than the national revenue of Venezuela gets nabbed for insider trading. Actually, Gekko’s weak link is agreeing to share his wisdom with the obnoxious little mouth-breather played by Charlie Sheen, the scowling kid from the wrong side of the tracks with the chip on his shoulder. Unable to work out his issues, Sheen screws his sensei over and then adds injury to, well, injury by setting him up and selling him out to the feds. Back when Wall Street was in theaters, it was possible to feel sorry for Gordon at the end, but since then it’s become possible to get some perspective on these things. Today, after his stay at some Club Fed, he probably has his own reality TV show. Charlie Sheen can watch it when he gets home from his job scrubbing public toilets.
Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita), THE KARATE KID (1984)
I feel confident that Pat Morita’s martial-arts-instructing janitor richly deserves his place here, even though I’m actually pretty sure that I never did see The Karate Kid. (Hell, I might be less sure if I had seen it.) Consider that this is a guy who, thanks to his Oscar-nominated performance here, managed to pull off a comeback almost a decade after he’d ill-advisedly abandoned the cast of Happy Days for a starring role in the sitcom Mr. T and Tina. (Can you tell me what ever became of Tina?) And he must be really good in this, because a lot of people lined up to see the movie, and they must have had their eyes glued to him, because I did see The Outsiders, and the one thing I remember from that is that looking at Ralph Macchio will make your eyeballs bleed. True, most of his biggest later roles would be in Karate Kid sequels, and while I’m not sure that I ever saw any of them either, I’m sure that they gave him the chance to really explore the possibilities of the character, plus he got to meet Hilary Swank. Clearly he was a fellow anyone would be well advised to seek out for advice, except on the subject of which Gus Van Sant movie to appear in. Wax on, wax off, motherfucker!
W.P. Mayhew (John Mahoney), BARTON FINK (1991)
Lured to Hollywood with the promise of easy money and big-screen glory, Barton Fink (John Turturro) quickly reaches an impasse in his writing. So with nowhere else to turn, his producer suggests that he find an established writer to mentor him. For his troubles, he gets W.P. Mayhew. Mayhew, played by a pre-Frasier John Mahoney, is a literary legend clearly modeled after William Faulkner, one who has toiled on countless screenplays for the studio in all possible genres. Tellingly, Barton first discovers Mayhew while puking out his liquid lunch in the men’s room of the studio commissary. But Barton is so starstruck that he pursues him anyway, despite Mayhew’s reputation as a washed-up souse. Unfortunately for the would-be student, the master whose guidance he seeks is too busy drinking and ranting at his secretary/live-in lover(Judy Davis) to give him much help with his writing, and indeed, it’s Davis who’s been doing most of the writing lately anyway. Yet while Mayhew isn’t the mentor Fink bargained for, he’s nonetheless valuable to Fink, providing him an objective lesson in what can happen to even truly great writers when they’ve been swallowed up by Hollywood. The lessons he teaches aren’t pretty, but Barton isn’t likely to forget them.
Patches O’Houlihan (Rip Torn), DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY (2004)
The schlubby regulars at Average Joe’s gymnasium are facing difficult times. With their beloved gym struggling financially and facing takeover from a more sophisticated fitness center, they have to raise a boatload of money to keep from going under. So they do what any bunch of scrappy underdogs would do in a similar situation- they enter a nationwide dodgeball tournament, even though they’re not especially athletic and can’t compete with more experienced dodgeballers. What’s a ragtag band of self-labeled Average Joes to do? Find a coach, that’s what. Or more precisely, let a coach find them. But not just any coach, mind you. None other than Patches O’Houlihan (Rip Torn) a fifties-era dodgeball legend who’s now confined to a wheelchair. With a mixture of abuse and tough love, Patches whips the Joes into shape using exercises such as one founded on the theory, “if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” Faster than you can say “Eye of the Tiger,” the Average Joes are national contenders. Of course, their ascent has less to do with Patches’ coaching style than it does to the demands of the plot- to say nothing of divine intervention from Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris- but Torn is so irascibly funny in the role that it seems wrong not to include him. After all, how can you not love a guy who gets a line like, “is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No, but I do it anyway, because it’s sterile and I like the taste.”
Cole (J. T. Walsh), THE GRIFTERS (1990)
Midway through its narrative, Stephen Frears’s adaptation of Jim Thompson’s seamiest pulp classic pulls the brakes on itself to fill in Myra’s (Annette Bening) back story, to show that she learned the intricacies of the con-artist’s game at the feet of the old pro Cole–played by J. T. Walsh, an actor with a blandly sturdy facade that, more often than not (Breakdown, Sling Blade, Nixon, The Last Seduction), served as the mask of a mean, sick puppy. Here, he’s onscreen just long enough to show the highs of his profession (pulling off a sweet scam and celebrating after) and the lows (he goes nuts). Maybe the filmmakers wanted to get him on and off fast so that he didn’t turn to the audience and make a bonus pitch for the United Way.
Lester Bangs (Philip Seymour Hoffman), ALMOST FAMOUS (2000)
Cameron Crowe’s semi-autobiographical film sticks made-up names on the teenage rock journalist at its center (i.e., Crowe’s stand-in) and the rock band he has his big Life-Changing Experience while covering, but Crowe puts Bangs, the legendary editor of Creem, on-screen under his own name, and Hoffman incarnates every loving thing ever written or said about Bangs and makes it look easy. Part of the fascination of Almost Famous is that Crowe presents Bangs as the voice of hard-earned wisdom, and has him share that wisdom with his surrogate out of a spirit of pure generosity, yet the kid violates every rule that Bangs lays down for him, and the way the movie sees it, this all works out great for him. At the time, it must have seemed that this had worked out pretty great for Crowe; as a reporter, he really did cozy up to the rock stars he covered and wrote flatteringly about them (out of what seemed to be real awe for his subjects, rather than opportunism), and the connections he forged couldn’t have done him any harm on his path to becoming a big Hollywood writer-director. But resisting Bangs’s advice that he learn to temper his sweet enthusiasm with some distance and skepticism–to care more about his art than about others’ feelings–he may have done some harm to his ability to extend his range as a filmmaker. In fact, after Crowe’s last couple of movies, and the last couple of anthologies with Bangs’s material in them, Bangs’s career is probably the healthier one now, and he’s been dead since 1982.
Howard (Walter Huston), THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (1948)
Howard, the ancient prospector (and proto-ecologist–witness his speech about leaving the Earth “the way we found it”), suggests Yoda crossed with Gabby Hayes, and may be the platonic ideal of the figure of the Western codger who sometimes seems half-mad but has great stores of wiliness and gumption. Drafted by a couple of tenderfeet to bring his experience to a gold-mining venture, he makes his pupils rich, while adhering to the rule that defines so many movie mentor figures: namely, his sage advice does him more good than the people to whom he offers it. When last seen, the old man is preparing to return to the Indian village where he can live out his golden years receiving the royal treatment in exchange for serving as the locals’ “medicine man.” Bogart’s Fred C. Dobbs, the malcontent who scorns fair treatment for his mentor, makes his fortune but gets his lead lopped off before he can haul it back to civilization, while Tim Holt, who treats Howard with the respect that is his due, stays alive but loses his riches and has no recourse but to go back to being Tim Holt.
“Subway Ghost” (Vincent Schiavelli), GHOST (1990(
Lanky at six feet four, with a thick shock of untamed dark hair surrounding a bald pate and a long face like melted ice cream, Schiavelli (who died in 2005) was often cast for the shock effect of his appearance, whether he was playing an asylum inmate in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or a high school teacher in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (where the news that he has a hot-looking wife is good for a laugh). His role as a nameless and very touching spectre in Ghost gave him the chance to play an uncharacteristically direct and fiery character, and he rose to the occasion so fully that, for a few scenes, he actually brought something wholly unearthly to a movie that’s mostly about comforting the audience by showing it that death is just another stage of life. Schiavelli seems to know different: being stranded among the living has turned him into the most alienated figure imaginable, and after he’s consented to help the hero master his abilities, he abruptly takes his leave, as if he’d just remembered that the movie he’s in is meant for those who are sweeter-natured than he has any interest in being.
John (Bruce Dern), THE TRIP (1967)
Never slow to jump on a trend, Roger Corman was first out of the gate when the LSD craze hit in the late 60s, casting Peter Fonda as TV commercial director Paul Groves, a straight-arrow type who decides to take an acid trip as a means of dealing with his pending divorce. Even for a novice like Groves, certain ground rules should be self-evident, the primary one being: when tripping for the first time, you do not want Bruce Dern to be your guide. This is like buying the parenting manual by Lynne “mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn” Spears. Nonetheless, Groves agrees to take the drug under the supervision of Dern’s unnerving weird-beard character John, and off we go into the lava lamp school of druggy filmmaking
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